So if anyone is going and reckons we should have a drink together outside a tent:
07846219975
^ hit me up on that number. I'm taking 3 phone batteries so I should be able to give you a call and pester you to come see me. That or I'll stumble drunkenly into your campsite :)
I'm going to leave here at 5:30am on thursday to get a good spot. Woo!
^ like twitter, only I like the timeline muuuch more. Never really understood Twitter. If you don't know what that is then it's like Facebook status updates, but that's all it is. Little updates whenever you feel like it.
SUMMERRRRRRRRR. I've finished uni for summer. GET IN.
O'Neill's offered me a job again, I took it. I want a proper job but it'll do for now.
None of the boys I want tend to want me but I'm going to gym it up a notch and then tell them I don't want them. We'll see who the winner is.
C-c-currently designing my portfolio, yes yes. Need somewhere for all the potential employerzz to go gaze at my work. Not that I have much to show them, I'll just be ramming it full of photos.
Summer is the time to make beautiful things and develop my skills. Weird mood.
I'm so tired of my desire to be everyone's favourite. It just depresses me when people don't really like me, even if I'm really quite fond of them.
Then there's the feelings that even the people I hang around most don't even like me that much.
People forget about you when you go away and every so often I just feel like I've been put into storage. Like when I appear again it's like, "Oh right, it's you. I forgot about you for a moment there."
I want people to want me around. I want people to feel like it just wouldn't be the same without me.
I miss college days. I miss being totally ridiculous all the time and hanging round people who appreciated the nonsense.
I want to live in a house with friends, not people who would prefer someone else to have my room.
Roll on next year.
I feel the stubborn side of me is about to kick in. Already deactivated Facebook, next I uninstall MSN.
"I'll prove they want me and if they don't get in touch I was right all along."
I'm so tired of having the argument about whether you can justify sleeping with someone that isn't your boyfriend/girlfriend, or sleeping with someone that has a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Does your sexual frustration/desire come before the feelings of someone else? Why should it?
Any selfish person will find a way to justify it, but it'll always be about them.
"So what if you couldn't get laid for the next five years and then someone hot who's in a relationship decides to put out?"
You're not asking me if it's right or wrong, you're asking me what it'd take for me to say yes to something that, right now, I'd never do. What does it take for you to put yourself first?
It's sex. Go ahead and sleep with a hundred people if you have the skills to pull them. Don't bother with relationships. The whole point of them is to say you wouldn't be with anyone else, not just for regular sex. Have a little self control.
It all just boils down to how much you think you deserve what you want. If you think it should all be about you having fun you'll find a reason.
Just please, don't try and get with me. I can't go through that again.
I'm bored of Christmas. Today's been one disappointment after another. It's all down to my attitude though I reckon, so I only have myself to blame.
I wish this headache would go away.
I find myself crying about nothing way too much. This year I managed to cry on my Birthday and Christmas. Excellent. Then again I could only get a handful of people out (for my 21st) this year and I couldn't even afford to buy myself a drink. Not so different from other years I suppose. I managed to get 2 people out for my 18th. At 21 there were about 5 but most of them were just out anyway.
I want solid friends. I want an interesting job. I need more motivation.
I wish John wasn't moving away. I really really wish he wasn't moving away.
Yeah it's for the best, blah blah, but I love being around him. I enjoy his company so much and it just makes me happy to hang out at his. I'm going to miss him so much.
It'll force me to go socialise though. Find new friends, or just sit in alone a lot.
Yeah I suck. So many people have it so much worse than me and here I am complaining because things got mediocre for a while.
I started this journal with such happy, enthusiastic entries. Wtf happened to that?
Ha. He got more affectionate and nice. I'm addicted to him but I couldn't tell you why. It's been 8 or 9 months now. Weird.
I'm bored. I want a cheese and pickle sandwich and I want to be 8 to eat it. Cheese and pickle sandwiches pwned back then.
So I'm mostly just sitting around doing internet crap, adding people I haven't spoken to for years to my facebook. I do these things so I can read their profiles and judge them for what they've become. Maybe that was too honest..
Uni's crap because we have 2 essays to do this term. We also have to design a portfolio website and my initial ideas (that I made the morning it was due in) aren't anything like what I'd like my website to be.
I need to focus and do some work. I skipped a few lectures because I'm lazy and Halo 3 appealed to me more.
I love Halo 3. So very addictive.
Can't be bothered with the coach back to Leeds this evening. Blah.
Whatever. Uni starts next week, I have work to concentrate on otherwise, and there's big opportunities to make new friends this year. Got to go join societies this year.
I'm feeling like utter crap right now and I don't know what to do with myself.
I might as well tell you. John's been texting some girl from work who kissed him recently when he gave ger a lift home. The texts that she was sending were proper filth and if I hadn't read them and confronted him on it I don't know how far it would've gone had she made proper moves on him.
I can't stop crying when he goes off to work. I can't bring myself to do anything I need to do today.
I'm so torn between breaking up with him and putting up with this to give him a second chance.
Please help. I don't need advice, I just need a distraction.
Had a big argument with my dad today, as you do. Makes it 100 times worse when you're in a place thousands of miles from home and you're trapped with only him to talk to.
I miss John a ridiculous amount. I think about him most minutes of the day without even realising it. Just got to speak to him online and I just want to be with him now. 2 weeks. 2 weeks.
Right got 30 seconds before this machine logs me off.
I'm so bored. I'm sitting in John's at his computer wondering what I want to be doing and wishing my gamertag would work on his 360. I don't know why it's bing so annoying but I reckon playing some games would pobably lighten my mood. Not feeling like the happiest person in the world today but I get like that when I'm utterly bored. John says he'll drive me back to my flats but then I'll be bored and lonely.
I'm scared I'm messing things up with him at the moment. I keep just falling into my silent moods and he thinks I'm in a mood or being abnormal. I've just been very tired recently and I need variety in my life or I turn very boring myself. By variety I mean I need a job or something. I need more friends and more things to do.
I want to come home for a week and do fun things with people. I won't have a full week in Liverpool for months now because at Easter I'm travelling with my dad for 3 weeks, then I'll just have to head back to uni. That means that's going to be a whole month without John.
A month.
That's going to suck big time.
Oh yeah.. I broke the LCD screen on my camera.
Gutted. Seriously. I don't know why I have so much bad luck with LCD screens but I've broken another and I hate myself for it. I don't have the money for a new camera and I don't know what to do. My camera is one of the most important things I own and I love taking photos. I can still take some but I can barely use the camera properly so anything I do take will most probably turn out rubbish. Sigh.
I'm going to apply for a job in O'Neills and have a look around for jobs in other places. The plan is that if I get a job it might giv me something else I have to do and will provide a little variety. Seeing as I met so many people when I worked in the Birkey I reckon having a job will help me to broaden my network of friends in Leeds.
Yes? Yes. Here's hoping.
Aw John just came up and hugged me for a bit, gave a little abuse and is playing away on his guitar right now. I don't think he's aware of the whole lj thing so I can keep typing without him really knowing that I'm talking about him. Tuning le guitar, he is. Cute. He certainly is loveable.
You know I keep going to update and I write semi decent entries and then just save them as private ones. Mainly because I never finish them and I usually plan to after a while. I never do though thanks to the old attention span.
Liverpool people might see me in like 2 weeks. I need a trip home. Yes yes.
happy
blah
sleepy